Exerpt from ebook “52 Quotes to live by

“Love the person you see, not who you would like to…”

Zett Why

Love to the parts

How we understand love

We understand love in a twofold manner. The first way is limitless and unconditional love of all, as set out in the scriptures. The second way is daily love, when one person loves another. I will not mention love of all in this part of the article. Here, I’m going to talk about the aspects of daily love. It can be recognized according to several of its main features.

At first, you may observe that daily love is diluted with a sufficient dose of egoism. If he loves her, she must love him, and vice versa. Lacking this response in daily love is the straightest path towards suffering. Each lover tries untiringly to adjust the object of his love to himself. That’s another quality and evil. The main reason for all the conflicts between couples is the Lover Illusion.

Lover illusion

The Lover illusion is the physical being of a person, adoring and cherishing deep feelings for his phantom. The funniest thing is that this phantom is not imposed or created by your partner. You create it by yourself. While being with your “lover”, you think that you love a real person, but you are wrong here. You love someone who really only exists in your head. So let’s look how it works. Actually, it all happens simply enough. When you fall in love, that person immediately becomes special to you. You exclude them from the common crowd. You think of them, remember them, and dream of them a lot. This feeling of admiration forces you to keep returning back to the object of your love by thoughts. In gratitude to human egoism (the self-defence instinct) you remember and keep in your head only things which you like in that person. Every time you relive pleasant moments, your consciousness becomes full of blessings. Many see love of their partners in such a way. People do not say “love is blind” needlessly. Love is blind in the direct meaning of it – it doesn’t let you see the real person near you, but only the phantom who exists in your head. The more you think about your lover, the stronger the phantom becomes, and after that other mechanisms switch on automatically. One of them is the imagination. In your mind you are constantly polishing up the portrait of your lover. As this occurs, the result is proportional to the size and extent of your imagination.

Love to the parts

There are only separate romanticized parts of a lover in your head, not an entire person. It’s just a phantom who is almost not related to the original. After creating this phantom, you quickly notice that your lover may not be fulfilling all your expectations. Because you “know” how they should behave in one or another situation. This is the start of conflicts in your relationship. Even worse – You begin to try to adjust the real person to match the phantom by all means. By the way, this is another feature of daily love – extortion. Extortion of someone who you think you love. The worst of it is that you do it from the heart, by lying to yourself and harming this close person. If the real person loves you enough, they can think that something is truly wrong, and start trying to change in line with your picture of them. But then the real person risks losing what they had in the beginning, plus the phantom perception of them in your head.

Egoism in love

Destroy the phantom

An piece of advice for you – try to know your lover from the start. Remember conflict situations, and look at them from your lover’s side. Let go of any egoistic claims to your partner. You will be surprised at how many conflicts would not have happened at all, and you will see that the original and the phantom you created are two different things. Try to forget your I in a relationship, and pay more attention to your partner. Remember that our bodies consist of many cells. A healthy cell gives 70% of its energy to the organism, and keeps just 30% for itself. When a cell takes 70% of the energy, we call it a cancer cell. Now, try to apply this formula to your relationship…

Exerpt from ebook “52 Quotes to live by